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Thread: 70ace in the Badlands

  1. #1
    FoamersNW Guest

    Exclamation 70ace in the Badlands

    Here is an essay about my first BNSF ace sighting in North Dakota.

    Attachment 1992 Attachment 1993

    Editor's note: Updated images and pdf file are attached, some of the comments posted below refer to earlier versions of the text. I've left them as an example of how the essay process works. - Bob
    Last edited by Bob; 10-19-2006 at 09:13 PM.

  2. Default

    Very nice layout - great photos ( as usual ) but the text could use a little massaging. I don't mean to be picky, but there are a couple of syntax errors. Also, the words are just a little thin - I mean, I'd like to have a little more meat. Can you expand just a little: maybe more about the chase with your son, or something about the locations? Maybe just captions on the photos.

    With just a minor amount of twiddling - this one will be ready to post!

    Very nice work!

  3. #3

    Default

    Boy, this is definitely one that leaves me wanting to see and read a little more. Like Jon, I really like the direction you take, including your son, brings back memories of chasing trains with my old man, and my boys chasing trains with their old man! Take this with a grain of salt, but from a guy that is guilty of using too many words, you've got the makings of a great multi-level piece. Not just the new engines, but a generational chase, you, your son, the new engines, a memory he will keep for a lifetime...that sorta thing.

    I don't know if you want to tackle a theme like that with this essay, but it sure has the framework for such.

    That said, this is your essay, not mine. As is, like Jon noted a few minor brush-ups on the text and I'd say it's a go.

    Martin Burwash

  4. #4

    Default

    Like the others, I think it's great but would like to see a bit more. Then again, if you're really convinced this is how long you want it, you can probably convince me. I've moved it to the revisions category so you can see our comments and reply with your thoughts.
    Bob Harbison
    RailroadPhotoEssays host

  5. #5

    Default

    I like the way this version reads and vote for approval. The bits of dialogue and the visual of you and your son scampering up the slope to beat the train gives this essay a, "yep, know what that's like" feel. Although your chase was a success, this certainly brings to mind the many chases taken with my two boys that ended in the usual Burwash railfanning disaster.

    Martin Burwash

    BTW..do you by chance have a shot of your son taken during this chase?

  6. #6
    greenthumb Guest

    Default another nod...

    Robert ~

    I enjoy the revised text, you made it more personable and personal, drawing me into the day's event/s. I especially like the final paragraph. Nothin' like a father and son enjoying a day together, railfanning or otherwise. I vote for approval.

    (one typo in the last paragraph, should be "Ryan and I", right ?? The "I" is missing...)

    ~ jeff

  7. #7
    FoamersNW Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Martin Burwash View Post

    BTW..do you by chance have a shot of your son taken during this chase?
    Thanks for the great comments. I dont have a current one of us on the chase, but here is one from the group from 2003, in a place that is meanigful to us all....

    Ryan is second in from left.

  8. #8
    FoamersNW Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by greenthumb View Post
    Robert ~

    (one typo in the last paragraph, should be "Ryan and I", right ?? The "I" is missing...)

    ~ jeff
    Thanks for the comments Jeff - and for the typo catch - it should be resolved.

  9. #9

    Default

    Sadly, the Mullan Pass sign is tipping badly..nearly falling over. Still, a great shot of a pretty tough looking group of pioneers!

    Martin Burwash

  10. Default

    Very nice - reminds me of chases with my son.

    Go for launch!

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